Off again on my travels. By the time you read this, I should be falling down a mountain in Italy in a place called Sauze d’Oulx, which to my way of thinking is pronounced “Saucy Doo”.
Apparently, in the Eighties, it was considered the Benidorm of ski resorts, where all the British lager louts went to a party. Not so sure that’s me anymore. I am more of a vin bin, nowadays, but it’s Italy so I am sure I will fit into the local culture.
Skiing is such an energetic sport. They reckon that an average person will burn up to 4,000 calories a day skiing, which is just as well because I intend to shovel down a great amount of pizza and pasta as well as the aforementioned vino.
Even at that, it is very difficult to actually eat or drink 4,000 calories a day, so I will probably lose weight over the week. So if I was to go skiing for 50 weeks of the year I would probably lose a lot of weight. Hey, I think I have invented a new fad diet!
All I need now is enough money to not bother about work and be able to pay the accommodation, lift passes and ski rental, say BD1,000 a week. Throw in a few flights to different resorts, and for the annual sum of BD70,000, I could be an Adonis.
It must work because my sister-in-law goes skiing about six times a year, and she is as skinny as a rake.
A few years ago when he was learning, our son would go skiing school in the morning and we would all ski as a nice family group in the afternoon. Nothing too trying or adventurous, just gentle glides down long blue runs.
Now he has graduated into a teenage daredevil its black runs all the way. When he screams off down a horrendous slope Debbie shouts at me to get after him on the basis that I am a faster skier than her, but it’s all relative. She is a very accomplished skier and can handle any slope. I am only faster because I have no control whatsoever.
I am barrelling down the slope praying that I can somehow stay upright and that I don’t crash into someone or something, and that there will be a suitable upslope at the bottom to help me stop. Either that or a nice soft snow bank.
Inevitably there is always the fall where I usually hurt some part of my body. Two years ago it was a face plant which ended up with a bust nose, blood everywhere and all my friends could do was tell me to move my hand so they could get a better picture. Last year it was a twisted knee, which caused me to miss an entire day, but the power of ibuprofen got me right back at it again.
I have spent all this money so I am not wasting it in a hospital bed. The pain can be dealt with later at the après ski. Did I mention that I do this for fun, Tally Ho!