I still don’t think I am old, despite signs to the contrary.
Bits are falling off, turning grey or becoming less effective.
Obviously I am getting grumpier by the day, but that’s not my fault – it is because the younger generation are becoming more and more intolerable.
The latest nonsense is that they want to stop referring to ships as female and they don’t like Jeremy Clarkson.
I mean, honestly! How are you expected to keep a civil tongue in your mouth amid that sort of provocation?
And another thing, why are newspapers reducing the size of their fonts?
It’s getting to the point where I can hardly read them now without a magnifying glass.
In fact, I have stopped trying to read printed versions of newspapers. I prefer to read them online, as I can then adjust the zoom level so I can actually see the thing.
The other advantage of this is that I can read the Gulf Daily News when I am out of Bahrain, which is quite a lot at the moment.
I am not sure that Yasser would be able to deliver the paper to me before 7am when I am in Scotland.
Some believe poor Yasser and his mate Ahmed, the printer, are eventually going to be out of work.
Especially after UK paper The Independent in 2016 stopped printing and became an online-only newspaper.
However, not anytime soon.
You can’t really pass on an online version and I know that almost every printed copy of the good old GDN passes through many hands.
But getting back to my deterioration, I can still see.
I mean, I can see the car in front of me when I am driving, sometimes.
I can normally make out when their brake lights come on, but they always take me by surprise when they make an unexpected turn.
Did you know that using the indicators uses extra petrol and can reduce the value of your car?
I also have tinnitus, which is a constant ringing in the ears and is also known as marriage.
I am going to get such a slap for that one!
If I wake up any morning and I am not in pain my automatic thought is that I have died in the night.
I can’t run because my knees won’t let me and I have a constant pain in the neck because the couch is angled the wrong way to the telly. Honestly, it’s such a struggle sometimes.
At least at our age we have the benefit of wisdom.
I am constantly having to correct the younger generation on Facebook, but I don’t mind correcting them.
Mind you, they seem to be all migrating to something called Instagram, which I can’t seem to find on my computer.
My teenage son told me the other day that they think it’s only fair that they leave Facebook to us oldies.
Ah well, I suppose life is for the living and, as they say in my native Scotland: “Mustn’t grumble yer a lang time deid.”