We often talk about what makes great leaders – confidence, communication, vision – but we rarely talk about what quietly undermines them. Shame. And at the root of that shame? A deep, persistent belief that we are not enough. I discussed this on LinkedIn but did not want to deprive my GDN readers from such an impactful learning.
After listening to Dr Brené Brown’s impactful talk ‘Men, Women, and Worthiness,’ I was reminded of a reality I have seen again and again: shame doesn’t just affect our mental wellbeing – it limits leadership potential. But Brown’s work goes even deeper. It uncovers how the experience of shame is deeply intertwined with our sense of worthiness – or more accurately, the lack of it.
When leaders feel unworthy – of respect, success, or belonging – it changes how they show up. They stop taking risks, avoid vulnerability, and lead from fear instead of connection. And yet, this is rarely discussed in our leadership programmes, performance reviews, or strategy sessions.
Dr Brown’s research draws a vital distinction between guilt and shame. Guilt says, ‘I did something bad.’ Shame says, ‘I am bad.’ One leads to accountability; the other leads to silence, defensiveness, and self-doubt. For leaders, that difference is everything. When shame goes unchecked, it drives overachievement, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or control. But beneath all that? A fear of being found out, of being judged, of not measuring up. In a world obsessed with performance, shame thrives. And it doesn’t just impact individuals – it shapes entire workplace cultures.
Brown also reveals how shame operates differently for men and women — shaped by social norms and expectations. For many women, the shame trigger is not being able to ‘do it all.’ We are expected to excel at work, raise families, look polished, remain calm – all without breaking a sweat. One crack, and the feeling of failure sets in. For men, it’s weakness. Vulnerability, asking for help, or showing emotion can feel like stepping off that ‘white horse’ – a powerful image one man shared with Brown, capturing the unspoken rule that to be a man is to be unshakeable.
These patterns seep into leadership. Men and women hide different fears, but both struggle with the same internal message: ‘I’m not enough.’
The shame-worthiness cycle is often invisible, but its impact is everywhere. I’ve seen brilliant women second-guess themselves in meetings, hesitant to speak unless every detail is perfect. I’ve seen male leaders hide burnout behind bravado, unable to admit they need support. I’ve seen teams shut down honest conversations for fear of being seen as weak. When shame drives behaviour, trust breaks down. Innovation stalls. Feedback disappears. People wear masks instead of leading with their full selves. This isn’t a people problem – it’s a leadership crisis.
Worthiness isn’t about entitlement. It’s the belief that you belong in the room, just as you are. That you can fail and still be valued. That you can be real and still be respected. Leaders who feel worthy are not defensive. They listen, admit mistakes, ask questions, and stay open to learning. They model humility – not because they’re unsure of themselves, but because they’re grounded in self-acceptance. This is what we mean by authentic leadership. It doesn’t mean being perfect or always composed. It means leading from the inside out – with clarity, humanity, and courage.
If we want workplaces where people thrive, we need to stop managing just performance and start supporting emotional resilience and psychological safety. That means encouraging open conversations about self-worth, rewarding honesty over perfection, and creating space for reflection and growth. It’s not about lowering standards – it’s about building stronger, braver leaders.
Brown ends many of her talks with the reminder: “You are worthy now. Not if. Not when. Right now.” It’s a line that hits home. In the world of work, we are constantly taught to chase ‘more’ – more output, more goals, more validation. But what if real leadership begins with believing we’re enough already?
The antidote to fear-based leadership isn’t performance or posturing – it’s self-worth. And the future of work belongs to those brave enough to lead from it.
Join us next month for another edition of Workplace Watch, where we continue exploring the real issues shaping the world of work. Until then, keep growing, keep learning, and keep leading from who you are.
Amal Kooheji is a growth advocate
&uuid=(email))