An open letter to the teenage boy who just air-dropped me an unsolicited photo at Starbucks:
Dear “Zack’s iPhone 12”,
Thank you so much for interrupting my perfect morning with your not-so subliminal message.
I was extremely busy placing my order, on the Starbucks app of a tall, cinnamon dolce latte with almond milk. Now I have to very inconveniently restart my drink order.
Thanks a lot.
By the way, I can totally feel your creepy little, beady eyes and heavy breathing on the back of my neck.
First of all, take 10 steps back, and pull that damn mask over your nose.
Second, I know with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that you would uncontrollably crap yourself, if I dare turn myself around and reveal this so-called “masterpiece” of yours, to your younger sister.
I happened to be in a great mood today (prior to this incident, of course) and I intend to carry on – with the most-exciting-part-of-my-day coffee run.
I, also, am not in the mood to traumatise your sister.
If I really wanted to spice up my day, I would share this photo, with the pretty, blonde barista (who you appear to have your eyes on).
We would just laugh ... and laugh ... and laugh some more. Although, I am almost certain that she’s already received the same notification.
Currently, I am trying to rack my brain (for even a fraction of an idea), as to why you would do this. I have failed.
Although, yet again, I am not a teenage boy with such horrendous B O, which is likely gonna get this location evicted.
To be clear, I am in no way flattered. Many of your species seem to think women are, but we are (in fact) not.
Let that message be crystal clear to you Zachary!
If I need to grab the freaking chalk off this counter and write it across the Starbucks menu ... I will.
P.S. You text your mother with that phone?
P.S.A. To any other teenage girls who may be reading this: I’d highly suggest using the drive-thru on your next Starbucks run. Zack, his private photo album, and sagging pants are patiently awaiting the perfect moment to strike their next victim.
Take it easy,
The Girl Who Just Turned Her AirDrop Off
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